An update on life

It's been a while since I posted any updates on personal stuff, so, ah, I figured I should do that. Yeah.

I don't even know what the eff to say, to be honest. Life's been incredibly difficult lately, and right now I'm just drowning myself in my own work and putting all my focus on my world, because that's the best way for me to cope. I don't deal well with shiz.
Personally, my health has been a struggle for a loooong time now. Quit the old meds I was on for my fibromyalgia and started on new ones, and while it has improved certain things, it has worsened others, and left the rest on a standstill. All in all, no real improvement, so I still walk around with a cane and barely have enough energy to push myself through the days. It's frustrating. And with my depression being an absolute arse on top of that, I feel like I'm in a constant battle with my own existence. It's a good thing I'm used to fighting, though. I'm high level on that area. XD Things are rough, and have been for a while, but I'll manage. I always manage, in the end, and this won't be any different.

But what's really making difficult isn't my personal health, but my family. We're going through a rather horrible time, and everyone's really struggling. My grandfather's cancer has decided to enter the point of no return, so, we're all trying to come to terms with him leaving us. Grandpa is 72 years old, young at heart and mind, one of the strongest men I know of, and the patriarch of our family. And right now he's making arrangements and planning his own funeral. That's... Really hard on us all. I don't even know how to deal with it, to be honest, so whenever I try to think about it my mind just goes blank and I can't form a single coherent thought. It's just too surreal. Dad's being dad, trying to pretend everything's okay, but I know he's struggling. He's always been so close with his father, and he depend on him so much, so this is just an absolute nightmare for him. Grandma is barely functioning, and I don't even know how my sister's doing. She's very close with our grandparents - they're her biological grandparents, after all (I'm just a bonus-grandkid, since dad's not my biological father) - and she almost spends more time at their place than at home. And on top of all of this, she's struggling personally, with depression and anxiety, and the fact that Mother Nature did a delivery failure and had her born in a male body. Nice job on that one, MN. *glares at* So, yeah, she's having it rough on all ends. And then there's mum, trying her best to be the strong one for everyone else, and just ignoring herself in all of it. Needless to say, my family's a mess these days. And I hate the fact that my health is leaving me incapable of being there for any of them, so I'm just feeling pretty useless.

Times are tough, but we're doing our best. We can't really do much other than just keep walking forward, and hope that things get easier as we go. Somehow, we'll make it through this, one step at a time.

Life is short.

Take your time to hug your loved ones, and tell them that you love them. Appreciate the small things, and the small moments, because they're so much more important than you know. Embrace both the good and the bad, and be grateful for being able to be there to experience them. Live life to the fullest, and do the things that make you happy, and don't think too much about what others may think or say about you. Live for YOU, and do good where you can - but never at your own expense. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, and the ones you love, and don't let anyone bring you down. You're better than you think, and worth so much more than you could ever dream, and never forget that you're loved. Stay strong, stand tall, but allow yourself to fall down and feel weakness. Laugh from the heart, and love with all of your being. You only get one life, and it's short, so make the best out of it.


~A